Last weekend, I had the pleasure of discovering a new (to me) writer, Jonas Fehn, who writes TracingEchoes here on Substack. The day I found him, he had published a piece on an experience he had had while traveling abroad, and it sparked a lovely conversation between us.
His story was centered around the fear that we as humans often encounter, even when our reality hasn’t yet given us evidence there needs to be fear. And how sometimes, if we can override our own inclination to be afraid of the unknown, we can have amazing experiences we might not otherwise have. He also admitted to me that the trust part doesn’t come easily to him.
The conversation got me thinking about how many times we talk ourselves out of something that could lead us to one of the very things we say we are seeking—adventure, connection, love, abundance, peace. But instead we ‘rationalize’ ourselves out of the idea because our human tendency is to steer clear of the unknown.
Our brain is hard-wired to protect us, above all else, and so it will play scenarios for us that seem to make sense in the moment. If we are not careful, though, we will hand our judgement over to an image of the world that is narrow and cold.
There is a quote I love, that has been attributed to Albert Einstein:
“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.“
I discovered it many years ago, and when I found it, it was a divine wink to me that I wasn’t crazy or delusional in my natural disposition.
See, I grew up in an environment of very proud peoples, and owning that ‘life is hard’ and ‘the world can be a dangerous place’ was simply seen as the realistic, rational truth—even a badge of honor because it showed you knew what was what. And honestly, I always felt a little alien, because I believe in wonder and magic and being friendly and seeing the good in people and the world. …I always chose to live in a friendly, helpful universe. …It’s not that I am a pollyanna who wears rose-colored glasses and never sees anything but rainbows and unicorns.
On the contrary, I am all-too well-versed in the darker side of life.
I understand that there is cruelty, and vitriol, and down-right horrors in the world. But I choose to live in the version of the world where the dark matter, while it gets clicks and views and the minds of the common man (and does indeed need attention and champions), simply isn’t the only reality.
My reality is to walk through a world that actually has more light than we often pay attention to. Through a world that has more joy and laughter and happiness and wonder and magic than any news outlet would have you believe. My reality lends itself to the small, seemingly insignificant ways we can serve each other every day—through a genuine smile to a stranger, a hug for a friend that seems to need one, a comment of encouragement when it’s easier to stay silent.
A world that is friendly and helpful and generous because the majority of people are.
I can do this, not because it’s an easier way to live. I’m not sure it is. I can do this because I choose to. Over and over and over again.
As often as possible. And often enough now that my fall-back is this perception, instead of the all-too-often inclination of so many to assume the worst and expect the bad. I can because I make an active practice of looking for things that bring me wonder and joy, that make me feel love and connection, that keep giving me evidence to continue to see more of the good in people—even when they don’t see it themselves, or can’t seem to show it to me.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still get raving mad when I’m driving and people do stupid things. I have encountered more than my fair share of people who used me to learn whatever lesson their life was trying to teach them that season. And I can get very frustrated when the universe is trying to teach me something, and in doing so, all it shows me goes against my natural disposition.
It’s hard. I’m only human.
And I have come to a point in my life where I do take individual people who want to enter my life on a case-by-case basis now.
To be human is definitely to live in contradiction.
That just doesn’t preclude me from thinking that people, in the overall, are inherently good, and life can be so wonderful sometimes that you simply cannot muddy it with language.
I do think the practice of ‘looking’ for these things does get harder in different seasons, and it is exactly why it is so important.
I believe the disposition you choose, however, whether you see the world through the lens of fear or through trust… whether you walk through life feeling it is mostly hostile and hard, or mostly wonderful and good… makes the difference in your experience as a whole.
Because in the end, I think it comes down to a question I ask myself pretty regularly: what kind of life do I want to experience in my time here on earth?
What do you think?
Looking for the windfalls,
~StacyLynn